MrEd45
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Registered: 09-2003
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 I Couldn't Help It!!
Topic Ask the ghost of Tommy Bolin
By Tommy Bolin On 10.09.02 21:07
To all the dudes and fine ladys out there, this is Tommy Bolin. I aint jivin you this is for real. The man upstairs told me to take some time off and check out whats been going on down here. He told me to get you to lay off for a while and hopefully stop you people from making so much damn noise about me. That ruckus is reachin to high heaven and frankly youre staring to piss a lot of people off. So Im here to answer your questions and settle your debates once and for all so we can all relax.
Fire away man!
Tommy
By mred44 On 10.09.02 21:25
Who exactly is pissed off and why?Is "Heaven" the "up here" you refer to? Is or isn't laughing allowed?What do those Angels wear under their robes?Is it true that every time an Angel earns their wings, a bell rings here on Earth?Is it true that Angels HAVE to earn their wings?Why did you accept the job with Purple?Why didn't you just continue solo?Was it the money?The sort of "instant" fame? Better drug connections?What was your sexual orientation?Hetero-,Homo-,Bi-, or Tri ?Is Elvis really dead?Jimi?Mr. Mojo Risin?Jimmy Hoffa?Do you get hungry, tired,horny,sad,glad,mad or anything there? Do you get to listen (and play, if you were a musician) to any type of music you like? Or is it just Psalms and eternal Hosannas? Are there any other instruments besides harps there?Why didn't you take your responsibilities in Purple a bit more seriously? Were you addicted to heroin before accepting the job with Purple? Did you keep that ring that was allegedly buried with you that was also on Hendrix' finger the day he died?Do you look at that ring now as some sort of portent?Do you need an ISP to access the internet to get to the forum?
By Gordo On 11.09.02 00:39
lol
By Tommy Bolin On 11.09.02 22:28
mred44! Thats what i call steppin up to the plate man! Here goes...
PART 1
Q. Who exactly is pissed off and why?
A. lets just say the cats that you guys are pissin off are dudes that can make your nightmares real. And like, i really appreciate all the noise you dudes are makin about me and stuff, especially after me being dead for 27 years and counting, but really, your racket is reaching up into high heaven like non-stop and noone up here can get any sleep. Like I said there are dudes up here you just dont wanna piss off. These same dudes are kinda wondering why you dudes down there are wastin so much time and effort talking about my ass and stuff. like dont you have any better things to do?
Q. Is "Heaven" the "up here" you refer to?
A. You got it dude! Quite a cool place.
Q. Is or isn't laughing allowed?
A. Laughing is allowed, coz as we say up here, "a laughing dead dude is a happy dead dude."
Q. What do those Angels wear under their robes?
A. If i answered that id be in a lot of trouble man! Lets make a deal, if you can get that ali dude to tell you what a Scotsman wears under his kilt, i'll see about gettin back to you on that one.
Q. Is it true that every time an Angel earns their wings, a bell rings here on Earth?
A. Bells, tuning forks, and any guitarist playing triplets dude!
Q. Is it true that Angels HAVE to earn their wings?
A. Thats bullshit man. We're given training wings when we first arrive and progress through the ranks as we gain proficiency. Like, Stevie Rays up for his cherubim wings test next week. Woo-hoo!
Q. Why did you accept the job with Purple?
A. I had to pay the dealer man. Like y'know, my James Gang dough ran out, the chicklet is all over my ass to get a job at a supermarket so i can steal some food, makeup and stuff for her, and i was down to my last set of guitar strings. I would've joined Black friggin Sabbath if they had offered me the gig dude!
Q. Why didn't you just continue solo?
A. I died. Y'know my solo gig was starting to take off a bit and after watchin Jeff's show, I sort of left and then checked out y'know?
Q. Was it the money?
A. I wasnt going to see any of the money man coz Barry Fey was all over my ass to pay him back what i owed him for all the smack i bought.
Q. The sort of "instant" fame?
A. Got more chicks than i did before!!
Q. Better drug connections?
A. Glenn could get the best !@#$ man! I used his dealers.
Q. What was your sexual orientation? Hetero-,Homo-,Bi-, or Tri?
A. Whatcha sayin man?! I aint no damn fag dude, not that i have anything against fags but i just aint one, y'know?
Q. Is Elvis really dead?
A. Ever since i arrived here i've been trying to meet the man but he just doesn't ever seem to be available. Must be his security. I can understand that man - specially after the Purple gig. Balls to the wall all the time!
Q. Jimi?
A. I met Jimi a few years after i showed up here. Hes deader than a freakin doornail, let me tell you man!
Q. Mr. Mojo Risin?
A. Another one of those dudes with tight security. never met the man man.
Q. Jimmy Hoffa?
A. I dont really get out much and wander around. i have so much fun jammin with Jimi, Bonzo, Miles, Trane, Mingus and the guys that i like havent really explored much else of this place besides the muso's section. Wouldnt know the dude if he set my feet in concrete and tossed my ass into Lake Erie.
By Tommy Bolin On 11.09.02 22:30
PART 2
Q. Do you get hungry, tired, horny, sad, glad, mad or anything there?
A. Hungry: 24-hour buffets every day man. all free and all like all you can eat.
Tired: You bet your ass, why do you think i've sent down here to quiet you dudes down!
Horny: Not much use for it up here man. Like, there is no procreation here so bein horny is kind of wasted energy man.
Sad: Only laughin allowed in heaven!
Mad: Less on the mad side and more on the pissed-off side.
Anything: Be a little more specific.
Q. Do you get to listen (and play, if you were a musician) to any type of music you like? Or is it just Psalms and eternal Hosannas?
A. We musicians have our daily quota of psalms and soul and stuff man to play for the folks, but they pretty much let us do what we want so long as the big man likes it.
Q. Are there any other instruments besides harps there?
A. Any instrument you want man, but only in white with gold trimming. Nice but boring after a while dude!
Q. Why didn't you take your responsibilities in Purple a bit more seriously?
A. You try being freakin responsible when your tanked up on heroin, smack, dope, booze and no sleep for three days runnin. Anyway, glenn was doing it so i thought it was ok for me to do it too.
Q. Were you addicted to heroin before accepting the job with Purple?
A. !@#$ man. I was addicted to heroin before i joined the James Gang!
Q. Did you keep that ring that was allegedly buried with you that was also on Hendrix' finger the day he died?
A. I showed Jimi that ring when i first met him and he looked at me funny. Finally i said "Jimi its your ring man!" Jimi said "if you say so man. I was so messed up most of the time i didnt know what i was wearing and what i took off half the time. Just look at my photos for proof!"
Q. Do you look at that ring now as some sort of portent?
A. Less a portent and more a CrackerJack box trinket.
Q. Do you need an ISP to access the internet to get to the forum?
A. Damn man! I invented the internet. I'm gonna kick Al Gores ass when shows up here for talkin !@#$ about me the way he did! We got Celestial Internet Providers up here.
---
" Those who can - do. Those who can't do - teach. Those who can't do or teach - administrate."
- Anon.
" One that will not reason is a bigot. One that cannot reason is an ignoramus. One that dares not reason is a slave." - Anon
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17/3/2005, 4:36
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evil louie
Purple fan
Registered: 08-2004
Posts: 34
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 Re: I Couldn't Help It!!
Nah, that ain't Tommy...this guy sounds too coherent!
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22/3/2005, 18:13
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Milan Fahrnholz
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Registered: 09-2003
Posts: 17842
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Re: I Couldn't Help It!!
He smells like a viking if you ask me... 
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29/3/2005, 1:50
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evil louie
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Registered: 08-2004
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Re: I Couldn't Help It!!
quote:
These same dudes are kinda wondering why you dudes down there are wastin so much time and effort talking about my ass and stuff.
Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I've never talked about Tommy's ass with anyone. 
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29/3/2005, 22:05
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Milan Fahrnholz
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Re: I Couldn't Help It!!
quote:
MrEd45 wrote:
Q. Is it true that every time an Angel earns their wings, a bell rings here on Earth?
A. Bells, tuning forks, and any guitarist playing triplets dude!
Q. Is it true that Angels HAVE to earn their wings?
A. Thats bullshit man. We're given training wings when we first arrive and progress through the ranks as we gain proficiency. Like, Stevie Rays up for his cherubim wings test next week. Woo-hoo!
You know I only just noticed how incredibly inconsistent those answers are to each other. 
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24/4/2005, 22:26
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